Posted by: mariabro | October 22, 2011

The Fountain of Youth

I’ve been thinking a lot about aging lately.  Primarily because I am.  Turning the half-century mark in less than six months makes one a little more reflective.  Sometimes I feel like I am closing in on getting my senior’s discount, usually after a night of acting like I got in using my student card.

But with age comes wisdom and an allowance for pontification.  So, I am going to offer my advice for attaining the fountain of youth.  It won’t be the typical, drink eight glasses of water a day, eat fish and exercise, although I am sure that can’t hurt.  Unless you live in Japan and are not convinced about the water or the fish.

Let’s start with the physical.

Number 1 – Buy a new pair of jeans.  I learned this from a friend a long time ago.  Wearing some out of date flares, she suggested I get some new “low-rise” jeans.  I took her advice. For me jeans shopping is right up there with bikini shopping on the self-esteem destruction scale.  I remember when my daughter was going through a “growing” phase and found all the jeans she tried on too tight, I had to explain that the sizing of jeans is about as consistent as the press releases from the “Occupy Wall Street” movement. And when you buy them, make sure they are not as tightly-fitted as the anorexic salesgirl’s are.

Ed Hardy
Number 2 – Let your hair grow a few inches.  I know I am giving away my age again, like I didn’t in the opening line, but I think long hair reminds one of one’s youth.  “Back in the day” as my daughter calls it. Who cares that the generation after Gen X thinks you have “big” 80’s hair.  Now I know there is a contingent that would say “get a new chic short haircut” to look young but I think there’s nothing better than a longish, carefree mane to show vitality.

Number 3 – Don’t pluck your eyebrows (too much).  My good friend was bemoaning the thinness of her eyebrows. saying they looked like 70’s brows, which was when she began to pluck them.  What we don’t realize is that, unlike hair on the rest of your body, they do not grow back thicker!

Number 4 – update your ipod selection.  While mine remains stocked with Led Zeppelin, and Aerosmith, I discovered there was some good “new” music when I accidentally synced my ipod with my daughter’s library (much to her dismay).  My favorite ‘new ‘ song is Low, by Flo Rida which I guess is about four years old now. Virtually a new release for me.


Now, let’s move to the mental.

Number 5 – Don’t assume it is your job to be the “designated driver” of your relationship.  Many women lose (suppress) who they really are when they get married and have children.  They occasionally let loose when they go out with the girls but chide their husbands when they are out together.  It’s not your responsibility alone, let him take his share, he wants to be part of the team.  You were both crazy, probably a little inebriated and uninhibited when you met, so stick with it.  This will keep you young at heart and your husband happy.

Number 6 – Sort of goes with number 5, but keep dancing on the bar, wear thigh-leather boots like my friend Mona who looks amazing, and then make a pact with your friends to tell you when it’s time to ‘call it a night’.  I know I don’t want to be dancing on the bar when I need help to get down.  Even now my husband has to hold my glasses and my friend hurt her knee getting off one night.  My worlds started to collide when my daugther began going to the same clubs I did.  We would have to text ahead of time to make sure our paths didn’t cross because, OMG, that would be SO embarrassing.

So, I’m off to dinner with a fun group of friends, I won’t be dancing on the bar tonight because I sprained my ankle, but I will be wearing some boots and partying with my husband because I want, as Thoreau says, to live deliberately, live deep and suck the marrow out of life.

Bliss World, LLC

Posted by: mariabro | October 11, 2011

Ka mate! Ka Mate! Ka Ora! Ka Ora!

I’m Canadian and I like hockey. I really don’t know much about rugby.  I know the Canadian rugby team has heart.  Like, when they played the All Blacks and were losing by about 50 points with about 5 minutes left, Kleeberger made a huge hit from the bottom of his huge Canadian heart.  The hit heard ’round the world.  I also like NFL football, guys with heart, like Doug Flutie.   But I am now a HUGE rugby fan.  These guys don’t wear pads. And to make it on the  All Blacks I think you have to be camera-worthy.  Speaking of “worthy”, that reminds me of the Elaine -“worthy” episode on Seinfeld.  These guys are definitely “worthy”.  The Haka for me is like porn for men, I imagine.  It shows men in all their feral glory.  I love the burning intensity in their eyes as they stare down their opponents.  I love the ritualistic chanting and thumping.  Nothing is sexier than confidence and thigh-thumping.  I love watching the opposing players as they try to remain unresponsive.  It’s impossible to remain unresponsive to this visceral display of passion. I pretty much need a cigarette after it’s over.  Sometimes I don’t even watch the game.

There are several myths associated with the Haka.  It’s often thought of as a Maori War Dance, but it can also be a tribal greeting and includes references to the power of female sexuality (or our  powerless-ness in the face of such raw masculinity).  According to folklore, the haka originated from the sun god Ra and his wife Hine-raumati.  Legend has it that the shimmering of the hot summer sun is actually Hine-raumati’s son, Tanerore, performing for his mother ( methinks Jocasta doth prevail).  The wiriwiri or trembling shimmer, is reflected in the trembling of the haka performer’s hands.  The dance was used by the Maories to ensure that when two tribes met, they would not attack each other.  Female tribal members also participate in the dance.

According to Alan Armstrong in his book, Maori Games and Haka, “The haka is a composition played by many instruments. Hands, feet, legs, body, voice, tongue, and eyes all play their part in blending together to convey in their fullness the challenge, welcome, exultation, defiance or contempt of the words. It is disciplined, yet emotional. More than any other aspect of Maori culture, this complex dance is an expression of the passion, vigour and identity of the race. It is at it’s best, truly, a message of the soul expressed by words and posture..”

There are a few versions of the Haka but the newer, controversial Kapa o Pango is my favorite.

and the traditional Ka Mate –

As I watch these warriors, I wonder what it would have been like to face them on the battlefield with weapons in their fists and I’m thinking I’d rather face them in a pub with a cider in hand.

Here are two more versions of the Haka which I recently discovered. You are more likely to run into these warriors in the pub than on the battleground.

Posted by: mariabro | September 25, 2011

It’s the end of the world as we know it

and I feel fine.

It’s sad that REM broke up although I actually didn’t realize they were still together.  But their songs bring back some great memories.  Like falling in love with my husband on our first trip together to the Cayman Islands. I think when we got home we both bought each other the album (maybe it was CD by that time) as well as a couple of books we thought may be considered impressive and intellectual.  Sun Tzu’s the Art of War and Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.  Perhaps it was just that we were slightly euphoric to have found someone who actually had read or wanted to read these books and enjoyed listening to REM while drinking wine on an outdoor patio at night and discussing P/E ratios of Canadian banks.

But I digress from the point of this post,which is the resilience of the Japanese people.  Now how is she going to get there from here you are wondering.

Reading the lyrics to REM’s “It’s the end of the world as we know it”,  I felt they were particularly prophetic after last night’s big typhoon(hurricane) and mini-earthquake.

“That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane – LennyBruce is not afraid.  Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn – world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs….Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic,slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.”

Here is some of the damage the next day at the local park.

I believe we need to go through adversity to appreciate the good times.  It builds character I tell my teenage daughter who has not had much adversity to deal with in her life. But seriously Japan needs a break, they can’t get much more resilient, stoic or shoganai than they are!

As I cuddled up inside my house during the storm I thought about what the storm brings.  It is always followed by bright blue, sunny skies and I think, low pressure but I’m not a meteorologist.  It blows away the pollution, the dead branches and clears the way for new life and smooth sailing.

Going through the storm is almost worthwhile to get to the other side. (kind of like a divorce but that’s another story)

The next morning as I left my house I noticed leaves and debris in front of our garage.  As I walked along the street I noticed many people out sweeping up the debris.  By the time I got to the local park which was filled with fallen branches and leaves and smiling happy people cleaning up, I realized that this is what the Japanese do.  They clean up after natural disasters.  Don’t get me started on the earthquake and tsunami that is just on a totally different scale.  But even this small storm brought out the character of the locals.

This was the park a day later.

It is hard to believe that they continue to fight the forces of nature and do it without complaint.  Then I realized that they are not fighting the forces of nature, nature is Shoganai, the Japanese philosophy for “It can’t be helped”.  This is one of the main differences between our cultures. I think North Americans fight and believe they can change everything, or blame someone for it.

“world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs….Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.”

The Japanese have lived for centuries with earthquakes, tsunamis and typhoons.  To survive under such circumstances they have developed coping mechanisms that allow them to be resilient, like a punching bag that keeps popping back for more.

They don’t internalize it, they deal with it and move on.

It’s not the end of the world it’s just another day in eternity for the Japanese.

Posted by: mariabro | September 24, 2011

The Quintessential Tokyo Night

I arrived home on Friday after a three month “vacation”.
Well not so much a vacation as a three month Odyssey which included
25,000miles, 7 countries, 1 renovation, a beginning and an end.
“Congratulations Mrs. Bromley you’ve achieved Elite status, now please
hoist your overweight bags onto the scale so I can charge you for the extra
weight.”  Thankfully, I didn’t end up in jail (well almost) or I would have achieved Elite status on the life-stressor scale.

I enjoyed my first night home with family, ate my cake and drank my champagne and basked in the harmony of being home.

Saturday night was a different story. The Tokyo social life machine went into overdrive.
It was my friend’s husband’s 50th birthday and it turned into a will-go-down-in –history night, one of those over the top nights that occur frequently here.  There’s always somewhere to go and something to do and fun people to do it with.

It began with a white stretch limo picking up the four couples at their homes.  However, in true Tokyo style the drivers had to call ahead to see if the stretch limo would actually fit down our street and be able to turn around the sharp corners.  In our case, we had to meet them at the top of the hill and the team of two drivers negotiated the turns.

We all dressed to the nines and began our two hour tour of Tokyo, which was really just to give us time to drink the 4 bottles of champagne brought by the birthday boy who happens to work for a champagne company (life-long friend!).  We stopped at various sites along the way including the beautiful Tokyo tower.

Then we moved on to Amoroso in Iidabashi, which I am afraid to tell people about for fear it becomes the next place every Gaijin has to introduce their friends to.  It is owned by Maeda-san, chef, sommelier and dishwasher.
He will have a Michelin star one day.  It is our favourite restaurant in Tokyo, a combination of Italian-Japanese fusion.  Each course, and there are many, is accompanied by a special wine chosen by Maeda-san.  We usually end up with about 7 empty glasses per person at the end of the night.  And the dinner is such a great value that I feel like I should be staying afterwards to help wash up. (credit to Amy & Darryl Knopp for introducing us to Amoroso about 5 years ago)

From this point the night starts to go into high gear and usually gets a bit fuzzy.  Thank god for friends who bring cameras everywhere so we can see what we did the next day on Facebook.

Generally at this point we head to Roppongi, which is pretty much like Las Vegas for Gaijin.  The place where every Nigerian knows your name.

Tonight we began at a famous hostess club which none of the ladies had ever been to and all of the men denied ever being to.  I assumed everyone was welcome on stage and did my best “desperate housewife taking pole dance lessons” moves.  Then surprisingly, I (we, my husband being the main target) was invited to the back room.  So, never one to miss an opportunity, I went along. Perhaps it was because I’m Romanian and the girls wanted to chat about the homeland?  In any case it is not all it is cracked up to be.  Especially for $150.  Pictures of new running shoes for my kids flashed across my eyes as well as a few other things.

Usually by this time, it is time to dance on a bar somewhere so we head to Train Bar or Mogambo’s although I am too tall for that countertop.

The night then comes to a crescendo at karaoke.  Yes, the Japanese really love it and actually so do we,  although we don’t take it quite as seriously as they do.  It is like an Olympic sport for them with rehearsals and pre-arranged songs before the night out.  You’d think after 6 years of doing this we would know the songs we want to sing.  But it’s the same every time.  “What’s that song, dear, you know the one I like that goes, lalala?”  By this time I am not wearing my glasses and can’t read in the dark at my age so I leave the song selection to my friends.  When I hear Ma-ree-ya, you’re up, I know it’s time.  This is when the Japanese look askance at my song selection, AC/DC, Offspring and Bon Jovi.  Songs, which for someone like me who can’t sing are quite a challenge.  Usually people start coming up to help me out and because I think everyone loves singing Pretty Fly for a White Guy.

The Karaoke Channel Store - Full Banner

Then when WE decide it is time to go home we take a cab or walk if we still can.  That’s the beauty of living downtown so close to the nightlife area, we can always get home for 710yen.  The reason I emphasize when WE decide is because there is no closing time in Tokyo.  Usually, it’s when our high heels hurt too much and the sky is turning a light gray.  As opposed to Canada where I spent most of the summer arguing with bartenders.  “C’mon, just one more Smirnoff ice!”  “Sorry ma’am (I hate being ma’amed) we close at 2:00am, I could lose my license if I serve you.”  “But I live in Tokyo and we can stay up all night if we want!”  Sometimes the next morning having a commie bartender send you home may have been  a good thing. But I still think it should be my decision if I want to feel crappy the next day.

Thankfully, I have the quintessential night documented now lest I forget (which I do more and more often) when someone asks me this week, “How was your weekend?”

and to top it all off we all just received Designer Loot Bags from super party planner Jennifer! Home aromatherapy oil, in what flavor?  Champagne, of course.

Posted by: mariabro | September 19, 2011

17 days, 2 kids, Vietnam and Cambodia

The fragrant smell of cilantro, lemon basil and mint. The bright red chilies and purplish hue of the aubergine in the markets.  The taste of fresh prawns sautéed in garlic and fish sauce.  Vietnam is a delight for the senses.  The essences, tastes and sights are still very vivid in my memory.

Our 17-day journey was a combination of exploration, adventure and relaxation.  From overnight trips on the Victoria “Orient Express” train to misty cruises on teak junks in Halong Bay, to adventures in Angkor Wat, it was a well-planned mix of sightseeing, shopping, beaches and temples.  And food.  Wonderful food. Vietnam is a gourmet paradise well known for its fabulous, exotic cuisine that differs throughout various regions of the country.

We tried to be sure to find a balance between fun things for the kids and for the grown-ups.  For example, when we toured the temples in Angkor Wat we came back to the hotel at lunch, let the boys go for a swim and have lunch to break up a long day of touring temples.

The adventure began in Hanoi.  I’ve heard a lot about the city but the one thing I hadn’t heard about was the traffic.  It is chaotic.   The endless stream of speeding motorcycles and careening cars, honking incessantly, can be overwhelming at first but you do get used to it.

We began our tour of Hanoi at the Ho Chi Minh mausoleum or as the boys referred to it as “the dead body place”.  Our guide was quite insistent about teaching the kids the history and culture of Vietnam, even quizzing them afterwards on what he taught them.

We chose to visit the Hoa Lo Prison, the infamous Hanoi Hilton.  One of the most memorable things for me was seeing John McCain’s flight suit and a photo of him being rescued after being shot down.  History made tangible.

Next we moved on to a delicious 8-course lunch at an old colonial French restaurant.  The meal included Hanoi spring rolls, fragrant beef salad with herbs, roast duck with mandarin, soft shell crab, stir fried prawns and rice.

After lunch (and a few glasses of wine thankfully) we went on a “cyclo” tour. A Cyclo is one of the most typical vehicles in Hanoi, a tricycle with a seat at the front for passengers and the driver seated behind.

We ended the day at the Water Puppet Theatre.  I highly recommend this for families. It is charming, entertaining and unlike any theatre I have seen.

After a few days in Hanoi we headed for Sapa on the overnight train.  Sapa is about 400km north of Hanoi in the mountains so it was almost 20 degrees colder than it was in Hanoi.  Take a sweater, even in the summer and bring good walking shoes and a rain jacket.

The Victoria Sapa Resort and Spa runs its own luxury sleeper cabins on the train.  There are less luxurious cars available at a fraction of the price but this was worth doing at least one way.  Sleeping on the train was a great adventure for the boys.  Plan to have dinner in the dining car, which is renowned for its cuisine.  The Victoria Sapa Resort is great for kids.  They have a large indoor pool, kids club, billiards in the lobby, tennis and babysitting available at $4/hr.

We spent two days in Sapa.  We took a half-day tour of the valley and walked between several of the local villages around emerald green rice paddy fields.  We met members of several ethnic minority tribes including the black Hmong and Red Dao. The peddlers can be quite persistent but they actually have some lovely, very inexpensive local crafts which you will not regret purchasing.

The next stage of our adventure was a trip to Halong Bay.  It is a 4-hour, slightly hair-raising drive from Hanoi to Halong Bay. Remember to bring some treats, wipes and motion sick bags for the kids.

But as we reached Halong Bay and the famous limestone islands came into view, I knew the drive was worth it. Halong Bay, with its outcropping of 2000 islands, is one of the most beautiful places in the world.

There are many cruise options available but we selected the overnight cruise on the Red Dragon.  It was an exquisite, antique junk with only five cabins.  It books up quickly so reserve early.  We also requested two cabins, further from the engine room to reduce the noise.

We enjoyed spelunking in the Thien Canh Son cave, kayaking and swimming in the crystal water.

Waking up in Halong Bay amid the rock formations surrounded by mist was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  We enjoyed a coffee on deck before heading to Vung Vien fishing village on a rustic rowboat with a toothless, friendly guide.

From here we moved on to historic Hue.  We took a riverboat cruise on the Perfume River, visited the Thein Mu Pagoda and took pictures of our boys with young, novice monks.  Then we toured the Citadel, the King’s Tomb and the summer palace.  It was just enough culture for the boys.  However, if you are short on time I think you could skip Hue.

From Hue we took a scenic 3-hour drive to the beach town of Hoi An.  We stayed at the beautiful Victoria Hoi An Beach Resort.  Hoi An was our stop for rest and relaxation after being on the move for the last week.  We stayed four nights in Hoi An and could have stayed longer. The resort was very kid-friendly with a large pool, a kids club, tennis courts outside our door, a spa and a games room.

One of the highlights for me was the Vietnamese cooking class.  My younger son and I were taken to the market in the morning to select fresh ingredients for our menu of Banana Flowers salad with prawn, and sautéed eggplant in a clay pot. Then we went to a spectacular outdoor, riverside restaurant and were given a private cooking class by the chef.  Afterwards, we sat at a table on the deck beside the river and enjoyed the fruits of our labor.

Hoi An is a quaint little town, with many restaurants and boutiques.  There are many tailors and shoe stores where you can have clothing or shoes made in a day or two.  Bring a picture of what you want made and choose your fabric.  Take a stroll along the river, illuminated by silk lanterns hanging along the path.  Go for dinner at Cargo and sit on the patio.

After our R&R stop in Hoi An we flew to Siem Reap for more culture. Angkor  Wat is one of the most magnificent wonders of the world and a site of immense archaeological significance according to many travel guides.  We arranged a two-day tour with van, driver and English-speaking guide ($165USD).

The highlight for us was a visit to the floating village on Tonle Sap Lake, the largest fresh water lake in South East Asia.  We cruised on a small wooden boat along a narrow straight and passed slowly through the floating village of Chong Kneas.  While the area can be touristy with many boats cruising up and down the river to the lake, I still felt a real sense of community between the villagers. Though life seemed harsh it also appeared congenial and community oriented.

We saw and did a lot in 17 days.  But it seemed to be a great combination of both adventure and relaxation.  The boys learned a great deal, from hearing stories from our Cambodian guide of his life – to seeing the great sense of community at the floating village in Tone Le Sap Lake.

published in Tokyo Families Magazine


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Posted by: mariabro | April 30, 2011

Fairy Tale Fever

O.K. you can’t really have a blog and not comment on the Royal Nuptials, can you?  I was 19 for the last royal wedding of Diana and Charles.  I remember watching, early in the morning, in the summer of 1981.  Diana was only one year older than me and I tried to imagine the life she would lead as she stepped into the fairy tale.  We all know how the fairy tale ended.  Thirty years later, I viewed the celebration from my living room in Tokyo.  Champagne in one hand and iphone in the other.  Texting with friends from Canada,  Tokyo, Australia, the United States and Hong Kong.  This time I hoped the fairy tale would have a happier ending.  This time I imagined my 18 year-old daughter stepping into a horse-drawn carriage awaited by her prince charming.

So, I thought Kate’s dress was underwhelming.  She is beautiful and composed and charming so it didn’t really matter that she looked a bit dowdy. Her two hairstylists/life partners apparently spent two months working 24 hours a day to design her hairstyle.  That’s how I wear it when I am late walking the boys to school.  Well, usually not with the tiara.  I enjoyed the shy, sly smiles William and Kate shared with each other.  They definitely appear to be in love, or so I would wager.

The Queen looked like a queen.  I know much has been said about what she carries in her handbag but I mean really, if Camilla can carry an elegant clutch, why can’t her mother-in-law?  I realized that the Queen does not join in the singing when “God Save the Queen” is sung.

Kate’s mom should be proud of the two beautiful daughters she has raised.  Her dress was great but her hair could have looked a little more “done” and not like she was walking the dog on a good hair day.  Pippa was the standout and almost outshone the bride.  Kate should have worn Pippa’s dress. It was stellar.  And when she walked out on the arm of Prince Harry I could almost see another match in the works and a jealous Chelsey in the background.

Posh was suitably subdued but we didn’t see enough of Beckham.  We also didn’t see much of Prince Andrew and his daughters, Beatrice and what’s her name. Fergie really should get off her diet/talk show/book tour and help her daughters dress more appropriately.  They may have been appropriately attired for the Alice in Wonderland wedding on acid.  For William and Kate’s wedding they were downright scary.

The choir boys all buy their spectacles at the same optometrist.

Most of the men wore uniform hats which they removed upon entering the church.  With so many planners working on this, I wonder why no one thought to make sure they didn’t have hat head?  Especially William.  His hair stood on end for the entire walk/talk into the church.

Who were the Dixie chick look-alikes?

And how did Elton John and David Furnish (who both received more airtime than anyone else in the audience combined) feel about the many references that the major goal of marriage was procreation?

And did anyone notice when Kate said “For richer or poorer”, she smirked?

Posted by: mariabro | April 17, 2011

Jolt Justification

Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism.  But a month after the “great quake” and countless aftershocks I am finding my own way of managing.  Yesterday, after 4 days of calm, we had a little 5.8 jolt.  Just to keep us on our toes.  Just when our hearts started to beat normally again.  I did what I usually do, called my children, hugged them and waited for it to stop.  It was sharp but quick.  As I hugged my son he looked up at me and asked, “can I go now?”  Not knowing what else to do, I agreed and he went back to his video game.  And that’s when I started to think, maybe I am getting used to this?  Actually, maybe it is a regular reminder to me to not take anything for granted? Each hug and each good night takes on more meaning.  Each jolt reminds me that I am living life on the edge.  And living it pretty fully.  Tokyo is an amazing city and Japan is a wonderful country.  Nothing great comes without risk.  To achieve great things you must always take some risk.  There’s no such thing as a free lunch.  Blah, blah, blah.  But it helped me to  realize that  I would rather live life fully, albeit on the edge, than in complete safety and mediocrity.  I know this may be my way of dealing with the chronic stress of  continued earthquakes and the threat of nuclear radiation.  But my heart doesn’t race as much as it used to after each aftershock.  I don’t threaten to move home and leave my husband in Tokyo (as much).  I enjoy the sunshine, blue skies and fluttering snowfall of the ephemeral cherry blossom.  And I try to live life (OMG, I’m Oprah) fully in the moment.  Nothing like a jolt to keep it real.

Posted by: mariabro | April 15, 2011

Margarita Therapy

Everyone handles stress in a different way.  Some are fighters, some are flighters.  I tend to be a flighter according to my husband.  But on some occasions – when I know I am right – I am a fighter.  Generally though, I tend to avoid confrontation and walk away, slamming doors as I go.

According to website thebodysoul.com, when fight or flight hits, your nerve cells fire and chemicals are released into your bloodstream. You breathe more rapidly. Your blood is redirected from your digestive tract into your muscles and limbs. Your pupils dilate. Your awareness intensifies. Your sight sharpens. Your impulses quicken. Your perception of pain diminishes. Your immune system mobilizes. You become prepared—physically and psychologically—for fight or flight.

Dr. Linda Semlitz, director of clinical services at Tokyo English Lifeline, says, “The fight or flight response to acute stress can save your life.  It prepares you to flee or fight in order to defend yourself from danger.”

This is the potentially life-saving response to acute stress.  But what about what we are experiencing now?  Long-term acute stress?  Or chronic stress. How will living under the new normal of long term aftershocks, threat of radiation and feelings of survivor guilt, affect us physically and psychologically?  Additionally, I wonder if the effect may be different for expats versus locals.  Of course, the Japanese feel stress and are traumatized.  But they have lived with this kind of latent threat all their lives.  I wonder if the philosophy of Shougani, or “it can’t be helped”, was developed as a defense mechanism?  An inherent way to handle long-term, chronic stress.

Semlitz says chronic stress is a negative physiological and emotional response when it is intense and unresolved.  This kind of stress leads to wear and tear on the body and mind.  It can compromise your immune system.  You get more colds and feel run down.  Many of my friends are feeling tired and listless.  The evidence is overwhelming that a cumulative buildup of stress hormones, if not properly metabolized over time, can lead to disorders of our autonomic nervous system (causing headache, irritable bowel syndrome, high blood pressure and the like) and disorders of our hormonal and immune systems (creating susceptibility to infection, chronic fatigue, depression, and autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and allergies.

We have stayed in Japan after the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear radiation threat, which may be construed as fighter behavior.  Positive fighter behavior may include confronting the issues, doing charity work, or starting a blog?  Negative fighting behaviors could be aggressiveness or argumentativeness. Similarly flight behaviors can be positive or negative. Hopping on a flight out of Japan is a flight response, literally.  Withdrawing from social interaction, even by watching television or even surfing the net, could be viewed as a a flight behavior.

So, how have my friends and I handled it?  Well, not handled exactly as that  implies some kind of mastery.  Just done the best we could to not fall apart would be more like it.

We get together and talk.  Over margaritas or Starbuck’s.  We workout more.  Channeling that adrenaline onto the tennis court or the gym.  We do charity work; Hands On Tokyo, Second Harvest, Living Dreams.  We update Facebook with helpful information.  We try not to obsess about the news and try to keep our kid’s routines as normal as possible.  We go to talks to learn about radiation and coping with stress.  We prepare our families and ourselves with earthquake kits, extra water on hand and passports in our purse.  For me, writing is therapeutic.

But we also make lots of mistakes.  We yell at our kids and lose patience too quickly.  We wonder how long we should let them sleep in our rooms after the disaster.  My youngest son would be happy to sleep there forever.   We are too indulgent in an attempt to make them forget about the trauma they experienced.  We argue with our husbands when they seem to be oblivious to the stress we are facing.

Eating well, not too much, getting our sleep, spending time with nature, participating in recreational and sports activities and being involved in the community is recommended.  In short,  pretty much what you should be doing anyways.

Resiliency is the inborn way you cope in the midst of hardship.  If you are born resilient you are fortunate.  For others it will take some time to rebound from the trauma we’ve endured and to adapt to the new normal.

Published in In Touch Magazine June 2011 issue

http://issuu.com/intouch_magazine/docs/june2011

Posted by: mariabro | April 12, 2011

Random Facebook Uploads

Have a break out? Get some proactive from the vending machine!

A large accumulation of snow in Tokyo

Even the Emergency room has slippers

Hanami Duty – Junior employee has to hold the picnic spot

Rush hour in Tokyo – 12:30AM!

Finally made it to Ice Bar in HK

Requisite fishing gear for Japanese girls. Stilettos, fish nets and Louis Vuitton Bags

My neighborhood on a Sunday afternoon. Mojitos included

Really dear, we needed a shwarma?

Boy and his dog

Favorite Japanese signs

Cougar in training

Seemed like a good idea at the time

Maybe I should get some milk for the kids?

A little excitement at First Bar. Nigeria vs. Pakistan. Not cricket.

Are you Zaru?

Time to call it a night

Missing my hubby in Hawaii

Morning Geiger counter check – the new normal

Saying hello to my buddies in Roppongi

Hanami – Yoyogi Spring 2011
Posted by: mariabro | April 12, 2011

Aftershock Adrenaline

Day two of my new blog.  I guess the plates gods are not happy or at the very least they are giving me something to write about.  Here is a list of aftershocks since the 6.6 one yesterday afternoon.  So, about 25 in the last 16 hours.

MAG UTC DATE-TIME
y/m/d h:m:s
LAT
deg
LON
deg
DEPTH
km
Region
MAP 6.4 2011/04/11 23:08:16 35.406 140.542 13.1 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 5.2 2011/04/11 22:26:18 36.905 138.280 5.7 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.7 2011/04/11 21:21:19 38.831 141.972 58.0 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 5.4 2011/04/11 17:53:31 37.630 144.527 7.4 OFF THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.4 2011/04/11 16:49:22 37.148 140.478 38.0 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.4 2011/04/11 16:19:30 36.276 140.424 10.0 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.9 2011/04/11 15:58:01 37.068 140.368 43.0 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.4 2011/04/11 15:43:15 36.847 140.582 20.5 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.8 2011/04/11 15:21:43 36.923 140.256 37.9 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.5 2011/04/11 15:08:08 37.636 142.570 36.8 OFF THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.4 2011/04/11 14:08:50 36.935 140.695 26.2 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.2 2011/04/11 14:02:06 36.889 140.755 13.3 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.5 2011/04/11 13:24:08 38.159 142.353 5.1 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.8 2011/04/11 13:05:42 37.103 140.465 25.9 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 5.6 2011/04/11 11:42:35 36.969 140.454 13.8 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.7 2011/04/11 11:27:32 37.141 140.644 22.0 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.7 2011/04/11 10:00:06 36.901 140.696 16.3 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.9 2011/04/11 09:36:22 36.914 140.393 15.2 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.7 2011/04/11 09:30:35 37.050 140.498 12.2 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.8 2011/04/11 09:17:12 37.744 142.583 20.5 OFF THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.7 2011/04/11 09:12:34 36.906 140.440 25.1 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.9 2011/04/11 09:05:21 37.041 140.566 30.1 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 5.0 2011/04/11 08:58:04 37.013 140.358 17.1 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 4.7 2011/04/11 08:33:54 36.990 140.263 24.8 NEAR THE EAST COAST OF HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 5.2 2011/04/11 08:26:31 37.103 140.446 15.0 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN
MAP 6.6 2011/04/11 08:16:13 37.007 140.477 10.0 EASTERN HONSHU, JAPAN

It is hard to concentrate on anything else.  This morning before school my sons were looking on the earthquake website betting each other what size it was.  “I think it was about 5.0!”  “No way, it was about 6!”  It’s great they have something new to argue about.  But dropping them off at school is difficult.  I want to keep everyone together at home.  But I can’t do that forever.  I have to pretend that everything is fine.  My daughter takes a bus to a school one hour away.  It took her 8 hours to get back the night of the 9.0 earthquake.  When I say goodbye in the morning I think about it.  Again and again.  Last night we all slept together on the upper floor.  I felt safer being up there.  I brought up a case of water, our shoes and a backpack with supplies.  Flashlight, passports, money etc.  They boys packed a big jar of peanut butter.  Which I actually thought was a good idea.

We are in the middle of our 6th cherry blossom season in Japan.  The cherry blossom reminds me of life in Japan right now. It is ephemeral.  It is absolutely beautiful.  We must get out and enjoy it before it is gone.  I’ve been blessed to have seen it for 6 seasons.  What more could I ask?

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